Movieland’s medical miracles

The marvels of modern medicine need to be seen to be believed. But to a seasoned Bollyviewer (as yours truly is) these miracles hold no surprises. Hasnt Bollywood already shown that to cure any affliction be it mental or physical, or a terminal disease, we need only modern medicine? In movieland we need no gods, no saints and certainly no magic powers to make us healthy and wise. As Oscar Wilde says, Science is always making wonderful improvements in things and one never knows what may happen next. Bollywood film-makers have always known this, and exploited the full potential of science in ways that we mere muggles can never quite equal.

Here are some serious illnesses and disabilities successfully tackled by Bollywood’s science savvy doctors:

1. 
   
   Cancer: No matter how terminal and how severely metastasized (spread to different organs from its primary site), in Bollywood there is always hope for cancer patients. There are innumerable instances of this but only two that come to mind right now: Ek Saal and Prem Geet.
2. 
   
   Unnamed mental illnesses: Anything from mental retardation and schizophrenia to post-traumatic stress disorder, can be permanently cured in less than three hours. The trick, as Bollywood doctors found out early on, is to use a proper mix of LOVE and electric shock (preferably of the 2000 Volts variety). Dont believe me? Check out Khilona, Khamoshi, Bahurani, Pagla Kahin Ka – the heroes were all cured by beautiful heroines and electricity. No wonder insanity was rife in this world before the advent of modern electricity!
3. 
   
   Heart problems (no I am not referring to love issues): – Thats another area where Bolly-doctors have proven their skills. Their area of expertise lies in curing “the-hole-in-the-heart” problems, but I would not underestimate these geniuses. If there were any other heart diseases in this world, I am sure they’d be able to tackle them successfully, too. Here are two examples of successful heart treatments: Saira Banu in Aao Pyaar Kare and Meena Kumari in Kinare Kinare were both afflicted by heart problems that were speedily cured by mysterious operations in Europe.
4. 
   
   Blindness: While real-world doctors are still grappling with ethical issues, clinical trials, safety of patients, lack of donors, and other such trivial matters, Bollywood doctors have stepped up and done the job! There have been corneal transplants from live donors (Suhaag) and mysterious (but expensive) operations to cure blindness (Prem Patra, Tumse Achha Kaun Hai, Jheel Ke Us Paar, Gauri, Fanaa, etc), galore.
5. 
   
   Mysterious inability to walk: This could be due to psychological problems, post-traumatic stress, mysterious accidents that cause paralysis, etc. No matter what the cause, the effect is that the patient cannot walk. Fear not, non-walking hero/heroines/important character. Bolly medicine has a sure-fire cure for you. It almost always involves very patient, sympathetic and very attractive doctors. Aaj Aur Kal is an excellent example where a young and very handsome doctor Sunil Dutt cures Nanda.
6. 
   
   Polio: While the rest of the world may resort to preventive medicine (vaccines) to eradicate it, Bollywood takes a more robust approach – it CURES it! As Master Tito can testify - he was cured by Doctor Shatrughan Sinha’s mix of pop-psychology and corporal punishment in Aa Gale Lag Ja.
7. 
   
   Amnesia: One must not forget amnesia. That is one problem that occurs way too frequently in Bollywood (and no – amnesia in writers does NOT account for numerous plotholes in scripts!). Here too, Bolly medicine has risen to the occasion. The doctors reflect on the complexity of human mind and let nature take its course. Nature always does take its course to cure amnesia – almost always in the form of a blow to the head! Prime examples - Ek Musafir Ek Haseena, Amar Deep, Door Ki Awaaz and several others that I hope you can tell me about (I am on the lookout to start an amnesia collection).

I hope these few examples have convinced you of Bolly-medicine’s greatness. More research is underway to fully catalogue all diseases cured by filmi-medicine and I would greatly appreciate specific examples from all of you. So tell me all about your favorite diseases and cures and of course, your favorite doctors!